why all the quiet?April 28, 2008
Dunno if you noticed.. I just did not blog there for a whole week. I had lots of reasons, some I want to go in to detail and cant and others are just the usual.
Firstly I had a few “issues” with a work colleague, I was treated in a way that was what I thought condescending and rude and generally talked down to like a child. This was after a couple of tough days running around helping out where I don’t have to assisting this person, but I choose to, to make things easier for others.
I was short on temper due to PMT but aside to that I felt miss-treated by one person and one person alone. I have since avoided dealing with that person. I am polite, positive and helpful still, but I do keep my distance and I have taken to not even making a conversation if small talk can brush it over until I can walk away. I would like to point out right now, this is of no reflection on the companies I work for or any other staff. This one person has managed to be offensive to several people in one week and therefore it will be dealt with through the correct and proper channels.
Working hard to avoid people meant I spent most of my week staring at the screen feeling like nobody wanted to talk to me. Its true I’m in a service role so that people tend only to approach me when they want or need something. Sometimes this is great but when I’m struggling for standard work I go and visit people and chat. Assist where possible and fill in my time sheet accordingly. Its nice that way, except avoiding people makes it awkward. I totally took the situation personally. I try not to do that, I ended up depressed thinking I’m struggling to do my job and help and getting no support in return, it was a one way street. Still I swear they are completely unable to see this, its like a blind spot that makes them completely self absorbed.
Of course this is not all true, its just the fact that even if I have made one or two small mistakes I recognise them and apologise for them whilst realising, no the actual issue is not my fault. I back out, run away and refuse to deal with my frustration and therefore hate myself for it. This one person I’ve worked with for 7 years is someone I cared enough to knit something for, since then I’ve not had the photos promised, I’ve not had any thanks returned and instead snappy snide and generally a forceful snooty and short attitude aimed at me. Why? because I apologised for something I was trying to do to help and that person has some issues that she has not talked to me about. I’m amazed at how much it did upset me, I agree I may still have some fault but at least I apologised for any of my behaviour, instantly, frequently and unassumingly. I think I’m just sad that I expected the same of someone I thought I could respect. I made a lot of effort to become a friend and had it all thrown right back at me. Maybe I’m still taking it all to personal but its going to take a whole lot of effort on that persons part for me ever to want to help her again. I’ll offer, be polite, and supportive, but in my heart… no love, no care and no respect. Sad times.
So ok that’s very depressing. I struggled there for a bit. Hay fever is also kicking in strong.
Friday night was good, we popped over to my brothers house just before he went on holiday, took a chinese so that they did not have to cook.
Scotty being the wonderful man that he is dragged me in to the city on Saturday morning. He bought new clothes and I bought new sunglasses, which also mean being out in the hay fevery stuff is easier for me. I also took a walk to the market and got some sock yarn, trekking XXL. I cast on when I got home, this cheered me and whilst Scotty spent all yesterday fending off what appeared to be a migraine I knitted until my fingers could knit no more. I may not have seen daylight apart from behind a window, still, I got to sit around and knit and that’s good for the soul, good for calming and relaxing and forgetting anything that could upset you.
now I feel bad for blogging all of this. I’m not sure its quite safe as fodder for the internet… damn it, I’ll leave it up. Sometimes its good to get it out in the open. Then if I’m really honest the house is a mess, I’ve not got around to cleaning it. I feel like a mess and I desperately need a haircut. Hate myself? yes, depressed? yes. Got ways to get over it? YES! Only because I have a loving family, a loving husband to be and two cats who will come and hug me.