If you see this manAugust 1, 2008
tell him that he was caught on camera looking fabulous.
best photo I think I have ever taken of him. Very happy with it, and very happy to be marrying him in 21 days. Its all starting to fall in to place and become more real.
Visiting Mum yesterday was one of those things that needed to be done and I knew it was not going to be the easiest visit ever. Thing is by the end of it we were both grinning like loons and were both very very happy. A lot was said, a lot was dealt with. I’ve asked all the questions I needed to ask and she has said some of the items she needed to complete her stay in this world. Still she’s no where near gone yet, even though the doctor has given her a time line of around 3 months this means nothing because she has such determination to fight and be there for all of us. I want to see her make her 40th wedding aniversary which is December 7th.
Mum still needed to achieve a few things, I asked that question too, paring it down, ” what do you want to do? where do you want to go? and what is most important for you to achieve?” These were answered candidly as were questions about funerals and care and support and everything you could think of. One of the things mum wanted to achieve was my bolero to go with my wedding dress partly because mum made my sisters dress I did not want her left out from being creative with me for my wedding too. Just a shrug, not that much sewing but as mum has the talent all she needed was the energy and support to get it done. Of course I obliged and enjoyed every single second of working together with her. Finally after getting most of the sewing done and seeing the way forward to complete it mum sat for a rest, with one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen.
After having all that chemotherapy and feeling so very ill for so very long it was that sense of achievement that we got together that mum has missed in her life. Dad also had time to himself going to appointments and playing a round of golf. True relaxation for him too knowing that mum was safe with me. I also said to Dad, he needs to talk to us more. He’s a wonderful man but keeps too quiet.
The only thing that takes my smile away, that stops me being so wonderfully joyous at what we have shared is knowing that it will all have to end. We all know it will, and taking away someone so very special to me, someone very supportive and understanding and loving and caring and I could go on for a whole page extolling her virtues, even though she’s not perfect I could make you see that I could not have asked for a better mum ever. I still find it not fair and I want to scream from the rooftops that they WILL NOT and SHOULD NOT take my mummy away. I just have to count that I am lucky to have someone to care about and share with, even if I don’t get to keep her forever.