Archive for December 5th, 2008


I saw mum yesterday!

December 5, 2008

Ok I know that sounds a bit strange, being that she’s not really here any more. I had the afternoon of work and Dad came over to do some Christmas shopping. We had a lovely lunch at Figaros and walked all around town getting things for us and everyone else in the family. I failed to buy any presents at all but it was still lovely to spend some quality time with Dad.

Once we got home and put the bits in his car boot he showed me mum. He picked up her ashes earlier that day from the funeral directors. She was a very large tin. Bigger than we both expected. Think the size of a shop sweety jar. Then he giggled and said she was always a sweetie. It went so much better than I expected and I have a feeling he’s getting there, and learning to get on, on his own. We’re going scattering this Sunday at the place she said she wanted to be. I made a point of asking her what she wanted to do with her ashes when we made my wedding bolero together. Dad is still a bit worried about scattering such a large pile of ashes under a few bushes, and having a bit of privacy in a national trust park whilst we do it. We’ll just have to see how it goes.

I almost expected to dream about mum or have some form of epiphany or thought that may release me from the feeling that I never said goodbye properly. This has not happened at all. IF I have dreamed of mum at all it has been her in the background and not being able to talk to her at all. I doubt I’ll ever get that sort of mental closure via dream or spiritual visitation. I think she’s truly moved on and is happy to do so, not looking back because she did what she wanted and needed to do before she went.

Still I’m feeling better about scattering mum than I thought I would. It seems just right for what mum wanted and done on their wedding anniversary. I’m all for it and hopefully it will help us all move on a little and come to terms with not having her around to talk to. At least I have my sewing machines so I can spend some quality time with her watching me sew, guiding me from my memories, cos this is the way I feel closest to her. I know she’s not really there but as close as I’m going to get. You have to find ways to still include them in your life.


hello you! long time no see.

December 5, 2008

Time flies when you’re busy.

I did not make knit club but I am working hard on Dad’s scarf. It is taking an age but it will look stunning when finished.

life is good, work, well I cant go in to it. Its a lovely job most of the time and I do like working hard when I need to. There is a small issue of “process” and “procedure” and finally “policy” which of course I cannot discuss. Lets just at least say its become a trying situation where even following the rules makes life difficult. It will all blow over but not without much in team grumbling and lots of email writing and feedback to all concerned. Let the typing commence, I will make sure I’m always honest and true and supportive of my colleagues and the companies I work for and are contracted to. Here’s hoping that it is enough to keep things as they should be, positive and achieving the right results for all concerned.

So on to good things. I’ve got the sewing machines going. Its been lovely, lots of fun. I started off making a skirt and I think I failed at that and accidentally cut it too short. Ah well. It was scraps in the first place and I don’t feel like I’ve wasted anything. It was a great learning curve to do it all on my own with no support. I even fitted a zip. It gave me lots of practice at using the sewing machine and over locker. I even took some photos of progress. When I gave up on the skirt I started on making a handbag from mum’s old waterproof coat. This way I could use all the pockets and save seating zips and making all my own which would take hours. I ripped up the coat down the seams and cut out the peices around the zips.

A friend of mine has spent some time recently describing a visualization issue he suffers with. A very strange issue that causes him to be unable to see things correctly in his minds eye. Sewing requires you to be able to see ahead and be able to understand construction and how it all goes together before its together. This is part of the reason I love crafting because the things that I dream of come out in my hands, almost how I want them. Knitting is the same, and felting. I think it would be a good study of how to increase internal visualization of items if a craft is picked up.

Anyway, the bag is half done. I love it. It needs straps and catches and all that, most of which can still be harvested from the bits of the coat I have not used yet. I want to finish it but I’m already using the bag to carry my knitting around and protect it. It is no where near perfect, but I’m still learning and practicing basic techniques. I’m surprised how well this item sits together considering most bits are not quite the right size and they are fudged together. I still love it though.