h1

denial is no great river.

January 27, 2009

I’ve not blogged about it because its moaning. I’ve got sinusitis. It seems I get it every year. So far now since getting a cold after Christmas I cant remember a day that I’ve not had a headache, tired eyes and that nagging feeling that you should be ill enough to take a day off work but you know you can make it in so you bother and feel poo sitting at a desk all day.
So I need to do something about it because denying it exists is not working. Having to take pain killers at least once a day every day because its given me nose sores, sinus pressure and to top it all off buzzing ears which are partially blocked. Still I’m well enough to drag myself in to work but not well enough to manage to hide my sinus hell to my colleagues. I have booked a doctors appointment but that is on Friday so I’ve got some wait yet. Here’s hoping it all magically disappears before I get to see him. Still it does not help the depression. I just cant seem to cheer up. I think I needs some more good things to look forward to and some nice happy treats. Still they’re never going to appear unless I organize them myself and who wants to do that when you feel like chum. I know its all boo hoo woes me, I hate myself for doing it but it still is fact I’m no where near who I want to be just because I cant seem to muster any joy or happiness, or even just feel well. Thank god for sock knitting. Which I will update you on soon.

There is some good news. I did finish the aprons I was making for the twins birthday. They loved them, along with some pots and pans and cooking things to go with the new wendy house with cooker sink and washing machine that they got from other family members. The party on Saturday was great. We had a lovely time. So nice in fact I forgot to take any photos what so ever. We were meant to stay over and have a drink or two but yet again because of my ills we came home and did not have a drink.

I know I’m not making life easy for Scotty either. I just hope it never breaks us. I still love him and want to be with him, just hanging around with someone who struggles to even smile must be no fun at all for him.

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One comment

  1. When you see the GP on Friday can you explain how you feel, as well as seeking something for the awful sinusitis? I know it took me over a year before I got proper help for my depression from the doctor and when I did it was such a relief, I wished I’d done it ages before.

    When you can’t even muster up a smile and you’re feeling drained the whole time, life can seem so difficult.

    Positive, caring vibes from Australia to you honey. {{{hugs}}}



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