Archive for the ‘moan’ Category

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in which loins are girded but not needed.

January 6, 2009

Le sigh.

I told you before Christmas I needed my filling replaced. Well today I got up early and stomped through an icy city to get to the dentist on time for my appointment. Except it wasn’t. I did not sleep well. I’ve not been looking forward to it. I girded my loins and faced up to the fact I was going to have a numb mouth up until lunch time. Then when I’d walked for a good 25 minutes across town in -2 oC they told me my appointment was for Thursday not Tuesday.

I nearly cried when I left the dentist, with no work done. I then stomped all the way to work and arrived early so I got hold of some lovely warming porridge with banana. Now I’m super tired, slightly over strung and still wanting to cry because I have to go and do it all again. Plus my hips are aching from the cold. Roun trip of nearly 3 miles I think… ish. Or at least it felt like it.

I feel stupid, I am stupid and all it would have taken would have been a look in my handbag at the note they printed for me with the apointment on it. I’ll have to chalk this one down to check and double check before leaving the house.

I need a nap.

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back at my desk

June 11, 2008

My recovery from travel should be over. I should have been able to cope and blog yesterday or the day before after all that went on. Nope. I pushed it just a widdle bit too far. I am now FULL of cold, streaming snot and having to come to work because I’ve had too much holiday/sickness already this month. Plus I had to take the car in for service today. I just cant wait for the £120 bill at the end of today.

Yesterday I took the cats to the vets. It is official Jasper is a fatty. Otis is well and they are both fine really. Jasper’s fatness is down to his allergies and being snipped. He does not appear to be getting any wider so I think we’re on top of things for now. I dropped a piece of raw pasta the other day and he ate it. He is a total carb freak, addicted to what does him no good at all. Still he’s cute though, with a very girly meow. They both seem to have enjoyed the time at my brothers house, although they did not get enough time to completely get used to the place. They were not scared and were good with the kids. I’m not sure my brother wants my cats for a whole two weeks over late august, we’ll have to see. Still at least their jabs are up to date and I’m down another £55… them cats are not cheap!

So, on to Alton Towers. It was stunningly sunny, a lovely day, except the waiting around which could not be avoided. One of the rides broke down whilst we were queueing and it took over 1 1/2 hours to spend all of 1 minute on air. Shame. We shot zombies with lasers, squirted pirates and got wet, rode nemesis and oblivion, got wet in bathtubs on the flume and went on the sky car. Oh and Hex, which was very entertaining because we totally did not know what to expect. Sorry, but being so snot ridden you can find the photos via my flickr link over there.

We drove back from 6pm on Sunday and stopped at Corley services to meet up with Mary and Steve. It was great to see Mary, it had been a fair while. I plied her with spare stash so that she can keep knititng until kingdom come. We ate and relaxed and it was the best break from driving I could have had. We got back about midnight on Sunday, then the builders started first thing, then our neighbours were decking their back garden all day. The issue is I just did not catch up on my sleep and it has made me mrs grumpy.

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I’m boring…

May 30, 2008

The week was ticking over me getting more and more tired. Hayfever still an issue and fine when it rains but as soon as the rain stops I can feel my eyelids puffing up. I feel rather unattractive because of things like this. Last night I cooked dinner as usual. It tasted fine and Scott was fine so I cant tell if it was that. Then at 3am I woke up feeling queasy and unable to avoid the feeling. I was mighty sick and had to then sleep in the spare room so I did not wake scotty whilst suffering from the after gulps.

So I took that day off I’ve been needing. I’ve sat on the sofa all day. I’ve achieved NOTHING and even napped. I’ve allowed myself to be as lazy as I need to be to feel better again. I’m mostly there but the one thing I forget is that when you puke it does several things like wrenches muscles and makes everything ache.

I just wish I had more positive things to write. Its been nice spending the day around the cats, I have nothing major to complain about but with wedding plans stalled waiting for the end of June before it all starts to kick off I feel a little lost in no mans land and it makes me feel like I’m a bit too boring to blog about.

There is one small blogable item I’ve been saving, if it could be called that. I love the detritus of life that washes up on Magdalen Street in Norwich. Its all there. A few weeks back I was walking to work and saw two people with white sticks and dark glasses standing at the crossing. One was definitely being lead by the other being hooked on their arm. The irony…

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war of the sock

May 8, 2008

so yeah. I do love knitting socks but this particular pair I was trying to make for me, and as comfortable as possible.

I completely frogged the first time round after getting 3 inches in. Then I managed to knit all the gusset increases and then the heels on both. Tried them on and they were too tight. The gusset increases were too shallow and it was just not right. I’ve frogged back to the point of the increases and I’m increasing every round instead of every other round. That should make a nice deep heel. Also I noticed on making an increase stitch on the upper part of the gusset left holes along the side of the foot. Not quite what I expected. especially when making one stitch from the row below. Instead this time I have used the yarn over and made the holes part of the design. HAHA! I feel like I’m beating a foe at scrabble being more cunning and placing my letters better. My previous posh yarn socks had the gusset increase on the base of the foot which for me looks beautiful, but can be slightly impractical. Both ways yeild a completely different style sock hugging different parts of the foot for comfort.

Now I do need to take pictures. I also want to elaborate on sock construction and see how I can take it further and in a slightly different direction. I’m not keen on short row heels but they are practical. I just did not knit my first sock deep enough (way back when I started sock knitting my first ever sock was short row heel only with no flaps). One day I’m going to sit with a few bits of paper and tape it all to my foot so I can see where the best shapes go so that it can be de-constructed and re-made up in to a sock that can forgo all short rows.. this is my aim anyway.

I’ve tried not writing about personal stuff at the moment, there are a couple of big reasons. I’ll let it all out now instead, I tried holding back and I don’t think that helped.

I’m seriously depressed, the weather is fine, everyone seems happy but behind my “office” smile I just want to cry or scream or both. Its due to my hayfever, bad sleeping because of the hayfever and headaches also because of the hayfever. Including itchiness, irritableness and down right fedupness. Right now I’d love to be cheerful but I am not. I’ve not got any form of answer to sort it out either. I know I’m lucky and I should be happy but after around 2 weeks of feeling poo I’m mighty fed up and being cheerful is just about to make me cry. The cats are lovely but being allergic to them too, right now in spring time its HELL and I’m tempted to lock myself in the spare room tonight just to stop anyone or anything getting in the way of me sleeping.

Then there’s wedding stuff on my mind, mum’s health which of course should not get me down because there’s nowt I can do about it. Plus I feel fat, ugly, moody, grumpy and still with absolutely no reason to take time off to recover from all that. The load is heavy right now, and I know I should be able to cope, its NOT that bad, except you cant hear the nagging in my head telling me it is, the constant body annoyances telling me it is, the frustration of being the same old me stuck in the same old rut doing the same old thing bored. (this includes the job, and I think I have every right to be a bit bored with my job role after over 7 years in the same 6 foot square space without a role change). Then I also put together a healthy lunch of salad and left it out on the side at home. with Avocado and soft baby leaves. *sigh* its going to be brown mush by the time I get home.

well anyway, I think you get the idea, sorry to moan AGAIN, see now I feel guilty for that too. PLEASE someone help me stop and cheer up!

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why all the quiet?

April 28, 2008

Dunno if you noticed.. I just did not blog there for a whole week. I had lots of reasons, some I want to go in to detail and cant and others are just the usual.

Firstly I had a few “issues” with a work colleague, I was treated in a way that was what I thought condescending and rude and generally talked down to like a child. This was after a couple of tough days running around helping out where I don’t have to assisting this person, but I choose to, to make things easier for others.

I was short on temper due to PMT but aside to that I felt miss-treated by one person and one person alone. I have since avoided dealing with that person. I am polite, positive and helpful still, but I do keep my distance and I have taken to not even making a conversation if small talk can brush it over until I can walk away. I would like to point out right now, this is of no reflection on the companies I work for or any other staff. This one person has managed to be offensive to several people in one week and therefore it will be dealt with through the correct and proper channels.

Working hard to avoid people meant I spent most of my week staring at the screen feeling like nobody wanted to talk to me. Its true I’m in a service role so that people tend only to approach me when they want or need something. Sometimes this is great but when I’m struggling for standard work I go and visit people and chat. Assist where possible and fill in my time sheet accordingly. Its nice that way, except avoiding people makes it awkward. I totally took the situation personally. I try not to do that, I ended up depressed thinking I’m struggling to do my job and help and getting no support in return, it was a one way street. Still I swear they are completely unable to see this, its like a blind spot that makes them completely self absorbed.

Of course this is not all true, its just the fact that even if I have made one or two small mistakes I recognise them and apologise for them whilst realising, no the actual issue is not my fault. I back out, run away and refuse to deal with my frustration and therefore hate myself for it. This one person I’ve worked with for 7 years is someone I cared enough to knit something for, since then I’ve not had the photos promised, I’ve not had any thanks returned and instead snappy snide and generally a forceful snooty and short attitude aimed at me. Why? because I apologised for something I was trying to do to help and that person has some issues that she has not talked to me about. I’m amazed at how much it did upset me, I agree I may still have some fault but at least I apologised for any of my behaviour, instantly, frequently and unassumingly. I think I’m just sad that I expected the same of someone I thought I could respect. I made a lot of effort to become a friend and had it all thrown right back at me. Maybe I’m still taking it all to personal but its going to take a whole lot of effort on that persons part for me ever to want to help her again. I’ll offer, be polite, and supportive, but in my heart… no love, no care and no respect. Sad times.

So ok that’s very depressing. I struggled there for a bit. Hay fever is also kicking in strong.

Friday night was good, we popped over to my brothers house just before he went on holiday, took a chinese so that they did not have to cook.

Scotty being the wonderful man that he is dragged me in to the city on Saturday morning. He bought new clothes and I bought new sunglasses, which also mean being out in the hay fevery stuff is easier for me. I also took a walk to the market and got some sock yarn, trekking XXL. I cast on when I got home, this cheered me and whilst Scotty spent all yesterday fending off what appeared to be a migraine I knitted until my fingers could knit no more. I may not have seen daylight apart from behind a window, still, I got to sit around and knit and that’s good for the soul, good for calming and relaxing and forgetting anything that could upset you.

now I feel bad for blogging all of this. I’m not sure its quite safe as fodder for the internet… damn it, I’ll leave it up. Sometimes its good to get it out in the open. Then if I’m really honest the house is a mess, I’ve not got around to cleaning it. I feel like a mess and I desperately need a haircut. Hate myself? yes, depressed? yes. Got ways to get over it? YES! Only because I have a loving family, a loving husband to be and two cats who will come and hug me.

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I thought it was getting better…

April 8, 2008

So I hauled my sorry wide load in to the office. I sorta wish I hadn’t because I forgot to bring in any pain killers and I’m sitting here thinking if it gets any worse I’m going to extract my brain via my ear. I’m taking the antibiotics, but it could take up to a week to clear up. Its mainly my ears at the moment, I swear using a phone is no good for me! Plus up until 3pm most working days there are diggers and road surface lifters below my office window. OK enough of the moaning… I so need a nap.

I force fed the cats the horrid oxo cube wormers yesterday. HA take that. They will eat them. I just placed them in their mouths and held their head at an upward angle and told them to chew and swallow. They realised I was taking no prisoners and both of them backed down. they got lots of hugs and strokes and cuddles and special treats for being good boys.

I contacted cats protection and they confirmed they covered the last vets bill and all the tests. Total £253 YEEP. Thank god for them. What with the new car and some wedding deposits I was suddenly being parted from most of my life savings all in one month. At least this way I feel like I’m not having it all removed at the same time. I’m a hoarder of money, its mine. I worked for it, and I intend to hang on to as many of those pennies as I’ve earned. I know weddings cost a fortune and this one is not a cheap do, at least I’m getting help in covering it and not leaving myself completely bereft of any fall back.

Its working out nearly completely on target. I worked out when I started I expected to pay around £8000 for the whole caboodle including honeymoon. The new car has stretched me a little at the moment but its doable. I have it covered. Thanks to parents, friends, family, begging and borrowing (I dont steal) I am going to bring that total down. It helps that Scotty has agreed to pay for the whole honeymoon so I suppose I can take that out which is over 2 grand. YAY! What a great husband I’m going to have. oooh husband…. husband… its not sinking in yet and its 4ish months away. Cripey I’d best get all my invites out!

OH and I’ve noticed wordpress have updated the back end of my blog. All fine and good, its taken a few usages to find everything but I now cannot find the spell check so sorry folks you get to see my terible english in all its gory glory. meh live with it or go read something else more interesting.

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UG.. moan.

April 7, 2008

I’ve spent nearly all weekend asleep with a fuggy head. I cant seem to shake out of the gloop welded to inside of my sinus cavity. I’m still tired, my balance is slightly off, my ears are both ring a bit and one was aching so much this morning that I gave up on leaving the house this morning and called in sick. I have a docs appointment for 5pm which will at least will get me some horrid antibiotics to finally remove the infection and inflammation. I think Scotty must be a saint because I swear I woke myself up snoring several times last night. Then I get tense and frustrated because I cant breathe, then I clench my teeth to ease my breathing which is why my head aches are worse than just an infection. Come morning I’m almost as tired as I started out before I went to bed.

Plus we’re trying to force feed our picky cats with worming tablets which are like oxo cubes to put on their food. They don’t like them. They get upset and start scratching at the food box when we leave out food they don’t like and we take away the nice stuff. I managed to get out to the vets for their medicine on Saturday morning, that was £15. they asked if I wanted to clear the bill for all the tests. They said that was £185… I thought that was what the cats protection were covering. I need to get that sorted out, I cant afford to re-run these tests and I just hope these meds work. They both seem better now but worms and parasites have cycles.

Considering that the tests did not find what sort of parasite they are struggling with I’m more than a tad frustrated with the process. Then having our cats not eating the  medicine I’m almost fit to cry. Only they are way too cute and keep looking at me and making the most adorable noises I just give up and hope it will all sort itself out because I’m just  giving up until I feel better.

If you want me I’m welded to the sofa looking sorry for myself under a quilt. *snuffle*