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missing someone you used to care about?

March 19, 2008

I had a few strange dreams last night. Nothing scary or anything but it reminded me of an old friend I’ve not been in contact with for many years.

First thing I did this morning after my shower was nip on to the web and check out how he was. The last I heard he had bladder cancer and I was all of a sudden worried, and wanted to know that he was OK.

Now this gentleman was someone very special to me. A guide, a support and someone whom I would trust with my secrets. Like a very close uncle and friend. I’m gutted I lost contact and I will now at some point soon re-make contact with him. It does however add a strange light on my past and future if I do make contact.

The thing is he’s a hare Krishna devotee and someone who has dedicated his life to Krishna consciousness, which is not a bad thing. I’ve said before that I do appreciate all that they do as a group and I do believe in their theory of what is good for you and for life. Thing is as time has gone by I have definitely put myself at a distance from the temple and devotees due to some not so favourable situations I ended up being part of. Mostly due to my ex… These things don’t really need to be gotten in to, best just to say that I found that the very strict path of a devotee was not something I felt I could attain and keep sane and happy.

It was mainly due to the fact that I measured myself so strictly it became something that would hinder rather than help my development. Still I feel like I may have lost something by loosing that contact. Although with associations like ISKCON you have to be able to give and take and accept all of the good and bad within an organisation I was one who would rather not join than fail. Maybe that was naive and maybe I’ve lost my chance at perfection this life, unless you understand fully what you are getting in to it is wise not to take that step. Plus full understanding is sometimes also the downfall, knowing what you have to achieve can be a mountain too far.

My parents were suitably worried that I spent so much time with what looked like a cult in my early 20’s. Although after meeting devotees and understanding what the whole thing was about they were happy that I had something in my life that explained things and made me comfortable with why I’m here. I’d never ever push any religion or way of life on anyone and I’m mighty glad nobody did the same to me. Now though, I’m much further away from being a devotee than I ever was, I still have some of their philosophies at heart. I may have taken on the things that suit me and dropped the things that don’t, I fully admit that I enjoyed my time with the devotees and still would like them to be my friends. Religion as a whole is such a sore subject for many people to broach because it points out some of the finer items of your beliefs and mind structure that others could pick at. This is why sometimes I have left the subject and decided to be more frivolous and just deal with the day to day items.

Luckily Kripamoya is alive and well and still teaching Krishna Consciousness to many. I still find him an inspiration and I love the way he writes and talks about his way of being and his devotion and how it fits in to this very commercial and highly technological 21st century. So please, if you want to see what I would call at true devotee, someone who cares about his soul and the souls of others, visit his blog and see what its about. I love the way he has dealt with what life has thrown at him. If I can be even a smidgen as understanding as he is of the trials of life I will stand a chance of coping with what ever comes my way.

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